5 Toxic Friends You Need To Distance Yourself From Now!
From the early stages of childhood our driving desire is to be accepted by others. In our teens our popularity is measured by the type of friends we keep. During our early adulthood we hold on to those from school even if they have some faults. Friendship is forever and we will put up with some major shit just to keep our friends. We, as humans, have to be liked. We care what others think of us, even to the point of holding on to individuals as friends much longer than necessary.
I have a very small circle of friends in my life. A couple from high school that I consider to be my closest friends. Time cannot effect our love for each other. Then there are some I reconnected with on good ole' Facebook. I have met some great individuals throughout my career and see them as much as life permits. I have been blessed by being introduced to more amazing individuals that I have only known for a few short months but feel like I have known them forever. I cherish these individuals.
It took a few really shitty friendships in order for me to realize who I should keep in my life. I am a firm believer you take the good with the bad. Yet, there is limits to this philosophy. Since my revelation, so to speak, I am much happier. The drama in my life is greatly reduced and although I miss some of the individuals I distanced my self from, it was meant to be.
It has been said that one's life is influenced by the five people they interact with the most. So, if this is true, here are 5 types of individuals that you need to distance yourself from right now.
- The One-Upper - This person, no matter what is going on in your life, will one-up you. If your brother is in the hospital, her grandfather died (ten year ago...). You have been wanting and finely saved up enough to purchase that new tablet, she brags about her iPad. You decide to eat better and cut down your sodium intake by using sea salt. They order imported salt from some place you never hear of... These may seem like minor annoyances but believe me, it gets old real quick. When there are serious situations that arise in life, you don't need The One-Upper trying to devalue your experiences.
- The Poser - They know some stuff. Perhaps they know a little enough to be dangerous. You could literally be a rocket scientist and they will find someway to contradict what you have said. They usually wait until you are both with a larger group of people so they can show their smarts. Also known as dime store lawyers, bankers, and doctors. I had this friend who, if she could get away with it, would not admit if she didn't know something. She always bet on the fact that the person she was talking to was just a little less informed than her. This backfired when she was having a conversation with a mutual friend. Tired of her poser behavior, he made up some random place and asked if she knew what he was talking about. She said, "Of course I do." BUSTED
- The Socialite - They will make plans at a specific time and EVEN pick the place but make you wait for them. Sometimes 20 minutes, sometimes 2 hours - without letting you know they are running late. Their excuse? "It's not my fault, a girl needs to freshen her lipstick." They have to make that dramatic entrance. Their life is a whirlwind. They have their calenders jam packed and will schedule multiple events within the same evening. While this may be a fun friend to have in your early 20's, it isn't so much fun when you are headed into your late 40's. The Socialite doesn't care about anyone else's time but their's. If they don't get their way, drama is their middle name. After all, all the world's a stage and they are the lead character.
- The Competitor - Much worse than the One-Upper. The Competitor will flat out sleep with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner. If she doesn't do it while you are with them, she will hook up with them right after you two have separated. If you are both single, out on the town, and you get some attention? She will wait for you to go to the ladies room and hon in on the situation - all the while claiming to be your "wing woman". The Competitor has to have the attention, no matter what it is. If your book gets published and she dabbles with poetry, she will acknowledge your accomplishment with an ever so passive aggressive, snarky comment in the guise of a cheerleader routine.
- The Divider - The Divider is a little harder to detect. If they feel that you are closer to a mutual friend than they are, they will systematically start riffs in hopes that perceived close friendship is threatened. After all, they should be the only ones sharing inside jokes and being in the know of everything that is going on in that person's life, not you. The next thing you know, your friendship with that other person is strained and you have no idea why. These individuals tend to have a huge turnover in the "Bestie" department.
Life is too short to spend with those that do not add value to your life. I'm not saying keep people around for what you can get from them otherwise you would be no better than any of those listed above. Just surround yourself with quality people. Those who genuinely care about others.
Needless to say, I have learned a lot from these people. I have learned what I do not want in a friend.
What have you learned when dealing with difficult friends?